If clothes were like political parties

"Can I help you, sir?"

"Just browsing, thanks. Um... where are the other clothes?"

"I'm sorry, sir?"

"There are only two suits here. Where are the other clothes?"

"Oh, that's all we carry now, sir."

"What, two different suits? That's it?"

"Yes sir. We call them models D and R. But we've incorporated all the major styles."

"Is that why this silk jacket has leather elbow-patches?"

"Well, sir, I understand the company that makes that one acquired the biggest leather-patch manufacturer in the world and, well, they had to get used somehow."

"But they'd look a lot better on that tweed jacket."

"Well, I'm afraid that's just not how the acquisition went."

"But this is ridiculous. And I don't want red denim jeans."

"Of course not, sir; as soon as you walked in I had you pegged as a model D man."

"That's the one with tweed jacket and the yellow 'I like pigs don't you?' sweatshirt?"

"Exactly."

"I don't really like pigs."

"It's just a slogan, sir."

"Or yellow. I mean sweatshirts are okay I guess, and I like the tan khakis, but yellow's just not me."

"Hmm. Maybe you'd be more comfortable in the model R after all..."

"I'm not wearing red denim pants!"

"But they go so well with the maroon necktie."

"I guess I can see that but... Look, what happened to the clothes you used to have?"

"Oh, that was terribly inefficient, sir. Hundreds of articles in dozens of colors from all those different designers. Then there was stocking and display, arranging them in proximity to one another... Much cheaper and easier to just buy two outfits, in bulk. Then we can concentrate on those two, and really get some sales accomplished!"

"There's no way people are gonna buy this!"

"With all due respect, sir, we've been doing quite well with the new model. With the savings we've passed on to our customers, and being able to concentrate out advertising on our two option, we've been able to corner 50% of the market already."

"What? That's crazy! These things look ridiculous! The parts just don't go together!"

"We've found that once everyone's wearing them, they become accepted as the new match."

"Well, I'm not accepting it! I'm going to another store."

"Good luck sir. But I'm afraid you'll have some difficulty finding one. With our recent sales, we've been able to acquire most of them. We need more outlets for our new D-2K and R-squared lines."

"Oh, so you do have more outfits!"

"Certainly, sir! Fashion is variety, no?"

"What are they like?"

"Well, they're an attempt to "bridge the gap" between the styles, if you will. See the orange beret on the D, and the gray scarf on the R?"

"Ye-e-e-s?"

"On the new models, they're both blue."

"This is just... Argh! Look, how about if I just buy both and mix and match?"

"Oh, you can't buy both, sir. No, if you split them up, that would ruin the whole system. Why, you might sell the parts you don't like to others!"

"Aha! I'll go on Ebay! People must be selling them already..."

"No sir. We have an agreement with eBay. besides, no one wants to split them up anymore... like I told you, it's become the new match. Everyone's used to them as a set. We have a club for each, if you'd like to associate with your own. Once you decide which that is."

"What, clubs where everyone's dressed alike?"

"Of course not sir! Some leave off the accessories -- the neckerchief, the beret, the scarf. And of course, you can choose your own shoes!"

"Hmm, maybe a pair of suede loafers would work with the red denim pants..."

"Ohhhhh, I'm sorry sir. Suede is more of a model D option..."