One starts with "f" and one starts with "n".

Tonight I read a blog wherein someone asked why "fag" is an acceptable word, but "the n-word" as she put it, was not. She went on to say (correctly) that gays have suffered, and that she's had two friends seriously hurt in gay-bashing, and that she herself had been assaulted for being bisexual. She also mentioned Matthew Shepard. I commented on her blog, and I'm going to reproduce the comment, for the most part (edited to take advantage of the comparative freedom of Blogger), below.


This is a both a little complicated and rather nuanced. I truly don't know if I'm up to the task.

I suppose I should point out first that "fag" is not really that acceptable a word. It is quite politically incorrect, to say the least. It will get prominent public personalities in at least a lot of trouble, if not cost them their jobs.

That said, while gays have suffered (and not to in any way belittle that suffering, which is and has been significant) there is a difference. Where to begin is a very difficult thing to decide, but I'll try.

First off, being black starts at birth. (One may be gay from birth, but the world does not know it and immediately start in on one.) As such, a black person immediately inherits all of the institutional baggage that comes with being black -- and there is such baggage, even today, on several levels.

Actually, being black starts before birth, because your family was almost certainly black as well. In some cases, almost everyone you know growing up is black. This creates, from birth, a shared cultural identity. No, not universally shared, and not an homogeneous culture, but being black in America is definitely more culturally significant than being born in Queens or being Episcopalian.

So, "black" is not simply an identifier, it is effectively a social class. It has been, way back to the very dawn of America; the entire structure of the nation, its economy, its infrastructure, was built upon slave labor, and remained so, at least in in part, for over two centuries. The end of slavery, in 1865, was simply the end of that phase of socioeconomic oppression. Throughout almost the entirety of American history, blacks have been segregated into a separate social class by both law and custom; the effects of this still echo strongly.

This is not to say that there is no socioeconomic impact on some or even many gays. But that occurs, generally, on an individual basis; one is almost never born gay into a socially underprivileged gay family. Due to a number of factors -- mostly the fact that it cannot reliably be traced through families, partly the fact that it is not inherently recognizable -- homosexuality has ever been something of a social anomaly, whereas blacks are ingrained into the social structure. There is a reason why, when people in this country think race, they think "Black and White" much more often than "Asian and Hispanic." This is where the onus of the n-word really comes into its own.

First, let's look at what "fag" actually means. It is a way of saying "homosexual", but with a connotation that the person regards this negatively -- as perversion, effeminacy, or whatever. In essence, however, while it is saying, "you are this, and I think that's bad," it is not adding anything else to the person it describes. That is, while many may be offended at the mere intent to insult, or by the attitude that what they are is negative, it really comes down to a difference of whether homosexuality is bad, or not.

Compare with "nigger". Like "fag", its use is often found acceptable within the group to which it is applied; it is from people outside the group that it is usually considered insulting. Unlike "fag", however, it is not simply saying "You're black and I think that's bad." I daresay that -- other than in "acceptable" use within the group, or ironic/teasing/casual use between close friends -- the word has never been uttered except with the intent of putting someone in their place.

[Later Edit: I now realize that it is often used within the group to the same effect.]

This refers back to the previous point, that there is and always has been a definite place for black people in American society to be put. It has changed over the years, and some have, through various means, largely escaped it, but it has always loomed in the background. This is why racism is maintained despite the truly heartfelt desire of many people to not be racist; we cannot, in a few decades, rebuild a society with no trace of the flaws of its foundation. And the proof of its significance is that many white people today will not admit it.

This social divide can now be crossed, but not completely erased. This is why I could use the n-word comfortably, if I so chose, with my best friend, but not with his friend, with whom I'm more of a friendly acquaintance; even though the latter sees our mutual friend laugh, and clearly accept that it was intended ironically, it would still leave him at the very least uncomfortable with and uncertain of me.

"Nigger" = "You are less than I." Which casts echoes to "less than human" and, inevitably, somewhere in the darkness of the mind, "slave."

There is a resonance effect to this social divide that helps keep it in place. It discourages the groups from getting close enough to become more comfortable, which would bring them closer; at the same time, it magnifies slights that keep them apart.

On the other hand, once a gay (or other queer) person comes out to his or her (or hys or hir) straight family and friends, there are likely those who accept and, perhaps, those who do not. Of those who accept, the person is still as close as he or she was before. The social barrier between straight and gay is thus much, much more permeable than that between black and white.

(This whole scenario loops back upon itself, which is why it was hard for me to decide where to begin. I apologize for finding my thoughts hard to organize.)

(Note: I did not add (but now feel I should have) that the fact of difference between the two terms is obvious in that even she did not spell out "nigger"; she did also, in fact, write "the f-a-g word" (which is of course just "fag" spelled out, but with hyphens), but later started spelling "fag" and still using the term "the 'n'-word.")